What you have missed in your lifetime
by icegirljenni
Summary: While Sesshoumaru busy with his duties in his land,Rin kept herself busy as she tried hard to deliver her heart's message through the surroundings.What is that message that Rin tried to deliver? Will Sesshoumaru ever understand a human's heart?
1. The Meaning of My Life

**Summary:**

While Sesshoumaru kept himself busy with his duties in his land, he paid less attention to his young human companion. Rin on the other hand kept herself busy as she tried hard to deliver her heart's message through the surroundings by hoping her lord would have noticed it, but the western lord has failed in noticing the girl's efforts. What is that message that Rin tried to deliver to Sesshoumaru? Will Sesshoumaru ever understand a human's heart?

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**Story notes:**

Honestly this story was suppose to be drabble version, but it turns out a bit longer than drabble, so I have to split it in 2 parts. So this is going to be a short story with only 2 chapters (^_^)

The story was inspired by a very "meaningful message" that I had read in Chinese article, it was suppose to be in poem style, but I have taken an initiative to elaborate it further and try to deliver the message in a story form. Hope you guys will love it.

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**Disclaimer:** The depictions of the characters in this story are completely fictitious. In no way does this represent the views or the story arcs as envisaged by the original copyright owners of this franchise and its characters. The ownership if the characters and the original concept are sole properties of Rumiko Takahashi.

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**Chapter notes:**

_As I look back on all that's happened.._

_Growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me_

_- There were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together._

_As I look back on those days,_

_I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you._

_The past may be gone forever. And whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow._

_It is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold._

_

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******* Part 1 -The Meaning of My Life *******

Rin awakes to a terrible sensation surrounding her legs, her eyes widen in shock as she spots a small flame underneath her feet. She frantically starts kicking and dragging her legs as she tries to avoid contact with the flames, simultaneously she spots a group of panthers laughing whole heartedly at her reactions. One of the panthers has a bucket full of water and throws it in her direction; she is still hanging by her hands. Rin is under unbearable pain, contact with water makes the wounds all over her body sting. Especially her feet since the flames have burnt her skin and with the contact of water it's getting worse. Satisfied torturing Rin, one of the panthers closes in on Rin and she recognizes him. He was the one who abducted her in the forest while Sesshoumaru was away. He moves closer to Rin and uses his strong hand to grab her chin.

"The smell of fear and sign of pain, nothing is more enjoyable than watching your face now." The panther leader laughs out loud in joy as he turns to face his followers at the back.

"Brothers I think we should stop torturing her or Sesshoumaru will only come to retrieve a dead body." The panther adds sarcastically as he continues with another loud laugh which is enough to annoy Rin.

"Lord Sesshoumaru will slaughter you all for doing this to me, if you value your life I suggest you all to surrender before the Lord arrives, don't tell me that I didn't warn you… Oh wait if you get slaughtered then you won't be around to tell me that" Rin sarcastically insults the panther's leader as she stares at him with her eyes full of hatred. The panther leader is furious with Rin's boasts. He lets go of Rin's chin and slaps her left cheek very hard as it forms a bright red palm print on her fair skin. There is blood dripping from the print region.

"I will see how long you can live with your arrogance little bitch. Brothers, let us be off to get some food, am sure you are all hungry, am I right little bitch?" the panther raises his brow and smirks at Rin and he walks away leaving her behind. Rin watches the demons disappear to another camp as she hears her stomach grumble, she is really hungry, and she has neither eaten nor drank in 2days. Her vision starts to blur, her body is weak and her mind is tired. She does not know how long she can hold on but she refuses to give up conceding defeat to the sadistic panther demons. She is determined to witness her Lord kill those panthers for what they have done to her. Closing her eyes she beings to wonder, she was suppose to be on her way to the eastern land with her Lord to attend an annual archery event, but unfortunately this year nightmare has struck her as she is attacked by these panther demons half way in the forest, she cannot imagine how all of this could happen in such a short time. _Lord Sesshoumaru what is taking you so long to reach me, do you not want to save me anymore? Could it be that he is unable to sense my presence here? Lord Sesshomaru please hurry, am so tired, I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Please my lord... please come for me..._ Her tears are streaming down her bruised cheek, she feels cold, weak, hungry and scared as she cries herself to sleep.

It did not take long for Sesshoumaru to hunt down the panther tribe. He enjoyed killing those panthers; for once in his life Tenseiga seems to have shown some benefit in usage, especially in taking revenge. He loved reviving those low class demons up and continue torturing them till they pled to him for their lives. But death was a certain fate for those bastards with what they have done to Rin. As much as his heart desired to wipe out all the panther clans in this world he has to stop pursuing it as he knew that Rin is waiting for him at his fortress, he could not leave the girl behind for long, but he vowed to do it once Rin has regained her consciousness and fully recovered. Sesshoumaru took back one of the panther's bodies to his palace and had the little toad stake the body up outside his castle walls, he wanted to send a clear message to his enemies that this is the result for those who would cross and oppose the Lord of the Western Lands

Satisfied in taking his revenge, he returns to his fortress and finds out that everything is much the same as he had left it. As he reaches Rin's bed chamber Mizuno the physician that he has summoned to heal Rin hovers beside Rin's bed. Her anxious expression indicates that Rin is not conscious. As he enters Rin's bed chamber his eyes travel over Rin's still body. Ignoring the stare from the physician Sesshoumaru leans over to study Rin's face. The bruises on her face are fading; the swelling on her right cheek is retreating, and her busted lips looks almost normal. But besides her condition showing recovery, she has not awakened.

"My Lord, Lady Rin has not stirred since you left, the wound on her cheek though has started to show a little improvement but not much, I fear-"Mizuno pauses considering the impact of her words.

"I fear that my lady might not be able to handle the pain from the wound on her chest" Mizuno completes her sentences at last.

Sesshoumaru does not respond to the physician's words, but he raises his right hand and waves to Mizuno motioning to her to leave them alone. Mizuno nods as she bows a little before heading out of the room. When he hears the door shut, Sesshoumaru finally gets his private time with Rin. He sits on the mattress and studies the brave girl, he has never seen her motionless to this extent before, she has been active in her life and constantly in motion. There was a time when Sesshoumaru thought to himself that only sickness could silence the girl down, but he instantly regrets to have that thought as Rin is laying still in front of him now. Sesshoumaru trails his finger down Rin's cool cheek, as he looks tentatively over at Rin, his thoughts are brought back to the first time when he found Rin's dead body in the forest with blood pooling around her small body after being mauled by wolfs. She was brought back to life with the power of the Tenseiga, the sword with a healing ability that was made with his father's fang. The second time he had seen Rin laying dead was when she was taken to the underworld by the hell hound, during his visit to his mother's palace. Unlike the previous two, this is by far the most hopeless situation as he knows well that the Tenseiga is not going to revive her for the second time.

Sesshoumaru firmly presses his palm to her left cheek hoping it would help Rin feel his touch but there is no response. Clenching his fist till they start to bleed, Sesshoumaru regrets to have left Rin behind in the forest with the useless little toad, had he not fallen into that trap Rin would not have been taken hostage by the panthers.

. He can never forget with what he had witnessed when he arrived at the panther camp site, Rin's body was hung by her hands, he almost couldn't recognize Rin by her appearance, her face was cut and beaten, her eyes were swollen, her entire kimono soaked in blood as it had hundreds of cuts and claw marks on her body and her legs burned scarring her fair and innocent flesh. There was not a part he could see that has not been marred. The only thing that makes his heart feel a bit better and a sense of relief is that Rin's scent has not been defiled. Those low class panther demons did not destroy her honor. When he had Rin's body taken into his waiting arms, her body was cold, she smile faintly at him as murmured _kill them for me_ before she lost her consciousness.

Sesshoumaru removes his hand from Rin's cheek and gently reaches for her neck, he pulls her kimono apart to reveal the bandaged wound on her left chest. The wound appear to be a stab by a sharp object as it ripped her tender flesh apart. That is the most wounded part on her body; he believes that she is suffering with tremendous amounts of pain caused by this wound that sent her unconscious for this long. As he adjusts back her kimono neatly, sorrow rushes in deep and fills Sesshoumaru's heart. _She is just a simple human girl, she has no ability to defend herself, yet she has fought touching her limits and struggled to protect herself despite the fact that she would lose against the panther demons. What strength had possessed this simple girl that she had refused to give up?_ Sesshoumaru has his eyes shut tightly, he feels rather pleasantly fatigued, as the strongest dog demon out there no number of battles could wear off his energy but as days have changed to weeks as weeks have given way to months watching helplessly at the girl fighting with her pain, Sesshoumaru admits he has grown weary.

A gloomy scent fills the air around the room, Sesshoumaru realizes that it is him who has caused this changes in the air as he inches himself closer to Rin. He gently combs her long raven hair with his left finger while his right hand rests on top of her head.

"Rin wake up." A tender voice calls out as Sesshoumaru attempts to wake Rin up like he used to do whenever she fell asleep. There was no answer...

"Rin if you can hear me, wake up. You don't want to sleep the spring away right? Besides you have plenty of flowers to be watered, don't let your precious plants wither out. Be a good girl now open your eyes and look at me." Sesshoumaru makes his second attempt but there is no change, Rin remains unstirred and paralyzed. The demon lord feels helpless to do anything else; he rests his forehead against her. Several drops of water fall onto Rin pale cheeks, these few precious salty tears are streaming down from the great dog demon Sesshoumaru's eyes. The western lord who has not sobbed even when his father Lord Inu Taisho passed away is now crying for the first time in his entire life in front of this human girl.

It is moments like this that reminds Sesshomaru of how important is the existence of this human girl in his life. He misses her company, her singing, her dancing holding the flowers she had picked, her voices calling for him, her delightful smile towards him and her scent lingering around his fortress that seems to become the air that he is breathing. When he calls out for the girl and he gets no response, it feels like the air that he is breathing has disappeared and that he is suffocating.

.

"Rin don't do this to me, you have brought so many things into my life, you have shown me many things that I have never seen in my entire life, and you have indirectly changed me on many perspectives. If you leave me now, I could never be complete anymore. Come back to me girl I know you can hear me." Sesshoumaru continues on to call out for Rin, but just like his previous attempts, the demon lord does not get any reply or see any movement, he is completely speechless. Like how Rin always used to say, she always has a nagging feeling like she needs to say something even if it is really nothing because when she felt silence she felt frightened. The silence between them now really frightens Sesshoumaru, he is afraid of losing Rin.

Staring at the girl hopelessly, Sesshoumaru feels the urge to do what he had wished to do for long but did not dare to make the move. He withdraws his forehead from her and gently brushes his lips across hers, feeling her soft lips against him as he takes in her sweet taste. A few drops of salty tears drop on Rin's cheek as Sessoumaru kisses Rin. Unable to control the sadness that is building rapidly inside his heart, Sesshoumaru rests his head at Rin's side while he keeps his face in contact with her cheek.

A few moments pass, as Sesshoumaru still has his head rested on her side. He feels like his thoughts are wandering elsewhere, with his tiredness and heart ache building inside him. He feels like he needs to take a nap in order to recharge his energy. Exactly in this moment he feels a hand stroking his back, he thought he was hallucinating, but then the hand moves from his back to his head, he feels a warm hand brush his hair gently and rests at the back of his neck. Unable to make the difference between dreaming and reality, Sesshoumaru does not care to open his eyes and check the unexpected but pleasant feeling. As he continues on to rest his restless mind, allowing himself to drown into the warm touch, his ear captures a low weak voice.

"Lord Sessh...oumaru..."

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**Chapter end notes:**

I always welcome any types of reviews, as i believe the reader holds the key of an author success. Positive reviews will give an encouragement for me to move on; negative reviews will guides me to the next level. So for those who have been reviewing my first story, thank you for your support, you guys are awesome. *hugs* and *kisses* for you.

Love,

Jenni


	2. Remember me

**Story notes:**

**Dear stargate sam** : Hey there since you do not have an account here, I was unable to send you any message. ^^ I want to thank you for reading and review my story, also I am sorry that I couldn't update this one as soon as I posted part 1, since I have gone back to work, I have lots of research to follow up. I shall update the Lily of the Valley real soon. I plan to update 2 stories at once but since my beta reader has lost my chap5, and happen I have deleted my own copy, so I have to re write it again... *arghh* But I will sort this out as soon as I can ^^

**Dear NiNiChan : **Thanks for your message, I will update Lily of the Valley real soon, I promise ^^

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**Chapter notes:**

_"**People so seldom say I love you And then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I love you, It doesn't mean I know you'll never go, Only that I wish you didn't have to."**_

**Disclaimer:** The depictions of the characters in this story are completely fictitious. In no way does this represent the views or the story arcs as envisaged by the original copyright owners of this franchise and its characters. The ownership if the characters and the original concept are sole properties of **Rumiko Takahashi.**

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******* Part 2 -Remember me *******

Sesshoumaru eyes are open wide with his mouth parted as a weak voice calling his name echoes in his ears; quickly he raises his head and looks at the girl beneath him. A pair of half parted warm hazelnut eyes stare at him, he feels a light touch on his cheek as warm fingers lightly wipe away the wet trails on his face. Sesshoumaru grabs that warm hand away from his cheek and slowly moves it closer to his mouth and places a light kiss on her knuckles, Rin responds to her lord's action with a weak smile on her face.

"Lo-rd Sesshou-maru I-I... need wa-ter... I feel so thirsty..." Rin struggles to get the words out as her weak smile fades getting replaced by a dry cough. Sesshoumaru swiftly heads to the nearby table and gets a cup of warm water and returns to her. He helps Rin to shift into a sitting position and rests her head on his chest with her forehead under his chin. Rin quickly reaches out with her hands and grabs onto Sesshoumaru's hand which is holding the cup of water and directs it to her mouth. She drinks the water as fast as she can causing some of the water to spill out and wet her kimono. Looking at the girl's reaction, Sesshoumaru chest tightens thinking she must have not been drinking since the day she was abducted. Rin pauses in between to cough and then continues drinking.

"Drink slowly Rin, there is still plenty more here." Sesshoumaru strokes her back as Rin continues to gulp down water until the cup is empty. She releases her hold on Sesshoumaru's hand and wipes off the water trail from her mouth with her hand and rests her head on Sesshoumaru shoulder. As Sesshoumaru is about to move away from the bed to get another cup of water, Rin stops him by grabbing his left arm. Sesshoumaru turns and faces Rin with a confused expression.

"Rin don't you want another cup?" Sesshoumaru questions as he watches Rin trying to shift her body to a more comfortable position.

"Its enough my lord, thank you." Rin replies with a weak smile at her Lord. Sesshoumaru turns to place the cup back on the table, as he turns back to face Rin he notices the silk quilt that covers her body has come off. She has her leg drawn up with her hands pressing on her chest. Her eyes are shut as she lets out small voices. A concerned Seshoumaru rushes to the girl's side and he sits next to her with both of his hands placed at the side of her shoulder. His heart aches as he captures her painful expression.

"Rin what are you doing? What happen to you? Are you in pain? " Sesshoumaru asks apprehensively as he reaches out his right hand to remove Rin's hand from her chest. He feels slightly relieved as he spots no blood stains on her kimono, it is an indication that her wound has not opened up again.

"I just want to check the burn on my feet, but I am unable to move my legs, I just don't get any feeling. It feels like numb as I try to use my hand to push my legs, my chest is aching badly." Rin explains. As she buries her face in Sesshoumaru's left shoulder, several drops of tears stream down and wets his spotless kimono. Sesshoumaru strokes Rin's back as he tries to comfort her, being a powerful demon he has learned to make his enemies weep in pain but never has been taught to ease someone of their pain. _Damn it _Sesshoumaru thinks to himself, as he lets out a small growl in frustration.

"My lord has the burn damaged my foot? Why am I not getting any feeling in my feet? Rin asks worriedly.

"The burn might be a bit serious but the physician has checked on your feet, she has constantly treated and monitored your wound, healing is a matter of time. For the time being you will not be able to feel your legs because..." Sesshoumaru pauses, pondering the impact of his words but she has right to know about her legs.

"For the time being I shall carry you around to whatever places you wish to go." Sesshoumaru manages to keep some info unrevealed while hoping Rin will not notice.

"Because of what? You did not finish your sentence my lord, why am I not getting any feeling in my legs? Rin slightly raises her voice in frustration knowing that Sesshoumaru is indeed hiding something from her. "Please tell me my lord; you have never lied to me isn't it?" Rin looks at her lord with pleading eyes.

"You have several bones damaged on your knee, the physician was unable to explain what caused it, but we suspected it might be caused by bending in an awkward position that made the bone fracture. Do not worry about it Rin, the physician has repositioned your legs and through proper rehabilitation you will definitely be able to walk and dance as much as you wish to." Sesshoumaru explains but he instantly regrets his words.

Rin's eyes widen and her jaw pops, she breaks down instantly with her hands cupping her face upon hearing her lord's explanation. Sesshoumaru draws Rin closer and gently pushes the back of her head to rest on his left shoulder. Rin buries her face there and continues weeping with her small fist clenching tightly as her thoughts are playing with what the panther demons have done to her at the campsite.

"Why? Why? Why must they do this to me? What's with all this torturing just to rule you out? They whip, they burn, they hit, they stab me and I have held on as much as I could, but to destroy my legs in such a way... why do they have to be so cruel?" Rin hits the mattress with her fist several of times in anger and frustration. Sesshoumaru's heart is throbbing watching the girl's reaction, he wishes the Tenseiga could revive the panthers once again and make them feel the same pain Rin is going through now, unfortunately he can only use it once not twice.

"I have tortured them to my heart's desire, killing them with the power of Bakusaiga and then reviving them with Tenseiga by which I get to torture them again before they meet the same fate. One of the panther body is up on a stake outside of the castle, this should send a clear message to my enemies for those who wish to oppose me and cross my path. That is the price to pay. Once you have fully recovered I shall continue on to slaughter and wipe out all of the panther clan from this world" Sesshoumaru replies as he smirks coldly to show his satisfaction. Rin feels uncomfortable with her Lord's idea, moving forward a little she looks at her Lord and thought. She has no objection about tormenting the panther group who had attacked her but she loathes the idea of scarifying the innocent just because they were from the same clan.

"You will gain nothing by slaughtering the whole clan, in the end there will be someone who gets devastated and plots revenge against the western lands. It will turn out to be a never ending battle." Rin explains as she wipes off the tears on her face with her kimono sleeve.

"Panthers demons sought to destroy our clan long ago, peace was never achieved between the 2 clans, they have made their move and I shall allow no room for them to plot another attack. Wiping them out is the best solution." Sesshoumaru firm answer slightly upsets Rin.

"Then what is the difference between Lord Sesshoumaru and the panthers who abused me? In the end you are hurting the innocent just like they did to me to achieve victory. I don't wish to see my Lord walking the same path like those losers, the Lord Sesshoumaru that I know of is a highly respectable strong demon who won't go around killing for no reason." Rin looks at her Lord with a bitter sweet smile.

"Those idiots do not deserve you to beg for their lives." Sesshoumaru lets out a small sigh.

"I am not begging for anyone's life, those who were responsible for this attack have died and a clear message has been sent out, that's enough and of course I am too frustrated with what they did to me but slaughtering the whole clan wont make my legs better, besides I want you to stay for me, please don't leave me alone again." Rin pleads as she has her eyes shut with her arms circled around Sesshoumaru's waist. Her head is resting on his chest, with her forehead touching the left side of his cheek. Sesshoumaru feels the girl trembling, her hands are shaking. _She fears being alone _the thought crosses his mind.

"Rin what do you fear now?"

"I fear nothing my lord, I feel safe when you are here with me. When I was at the panther campsite, I had no fear of those panthers, what I had feared the most is I could not hold on long enough to see you come for me. Even if I have to die, I wish to die in your arms. I don't want to die alone." Rin answers as she coughs lightly.

_This young girl fears nothing, while I fear everything most of the time, she is much braver than I thought, she has endured so much before meeting me and she has endured this much when I was unreachable, how could I do any less?_ The demon lord has so many of these thoughts running in his mind. Deep inside his heart he wishes the girl to hate him and she has the right to do so since he has failed to protect her.

"Rin" Sesshoumaru's voice softens, he sounds worried. "Do you hate me?" Rin's head snaps up, she is stunned by her lord's question.

"My lord I could never hate you, you revived my life when I had no right to live. You fought and risked everything for me, giving undivided care without asking anything in return, protecting me from being harmed, providing me all the necessities. But more importantly you have given me a place which I can call home, when I was nothing more than a burden to you. I can not hate you in fact I should be ashamed of myself, despite all the training you have provided me, I still failed to defend myself, and if only I was a bit stronger they couldn't have abducted me so easily and I won't be troubling you to save me all the time. I always curse myself badly thinking that my presence has weakened you. I don't deserve your kind heart my lord." Rin tries to pull away but Sesshoumaru stops her action, instead he draws her closer to him. She can feel Sesshoumaru's body tense up slightly. _I have failed in my guardianship; I have caused her this pain, by allowing it to happen to her and yet she blames her presence for weakening me, taking the blame for causing all this. Do I really mean that much to her?_ clenching his right fist tightly Sesshoumaru has his eyes shut while his right hand combes her long dark raven hair.

"Rin you have never weakened me, my desire of protecting you has made me become stronger. But even with that I could not protect you from being abused. I resurrected you with Tenseiga, you were given another chance at life to chase a better life but I gave you nothing more than risking your life with the amount of enemies that waited to defeat me. You were being used as a tool to strengthen my Meidou Zangetsuha, without the meidou seki, your soul would be probably wandering in the underworld. Today you are being used to defeat me. It is I who does not deserve your presence." Sesshoumaru continues combing her soft hair with his finger claws.

"My lord you have come to rescue me, that's more than enough" Rin declares with a delightful smile. "Besides you are the only one who cares my well being since my parents passed away. Your existence has ensured me that I am not alone in this world. You will always be there in my life to protect me forever. A part of you has grown in me, I want to be with you forever and never be apart, maybe in distance but never in heart." Rin's eyelashes flutter slightly as she feels the tears beginning to swell up under her eye lids.

Sesshomaru distinctly smells the scent of tears and feels the sadness emanating from her body. Astounded by Rin's reply, his heart aches and feels hurt deeply to see how much trust the girl has in him. He feels hurt to know she is still grateful of everything he has done for her. _Do I really mean so much to her?_ Sesshoumaru thinks to himself as the guilt lingers and rots away his sense of pride and honor. He uses his finger to tilt her chin and make her look up, her brown eyes are almost glassed over with unshed tears. Gently, he cups her face in his hand and kisses her forehead. Rin's face flushes in red as both of her hands press lightly on her chest with her eyes shut off receiving the chaste kiss with utter joy and bliss.

_Strange _Sesshoumaru stares at the girl who smiles delightfully. _How could such a simple action make her feel this happy?_ He remembers on several occasions when Rin has reacted this strange when she returned to his side after few years under the care of the miko name Kaede. In the beginning he thought that it had to do with human nature and since Rin was growing up with humans, she must have carried over those strange behaviors with her and it should vanish with time but it appears he has made the wrong assumption. Those strange reactions have gone worse with time. Firstly, she worries for no reason when the demon Lord takes longer than usual time to return from his work, when she used to greet him with an innocent smile as a kid. Secondly, she strangely shied away and avoided looking into his eyes for the simplest of praises from the demon lord. For praises like 'she looks great in this kimono' or that 'she looks beautiful today' she used to smile happily when she was a kid. Thirdly, she often becomes sad and in tears whenever the western Lord had minor injuries after a battle while she would only show worries when she was a child but never with tears. On top of these awkward changes, she has also strangely asked one same question all the time which it sounds to be quite a simple question for him but not to her. She seemed to be seeking a very important answer from him but was often disappointed with her lord's replies. This somehow has put some pressure on Sesshoumaru whenever he attempts to answer her question.

While Sesshoumaru's mind wanders in his thoughts Rin somehow feels extremely comfortable. Being this close with her Lord was never something she had thought could happen. Sesshoumaru's strong arms are wrapped firmly around her waist as she has her head resting on his chest listening to his heartbeat, Rin's mind is drifting away. Her body relaxes under her Lord's warm embrace, her eye lids feel heavy as tiredness starts to trickle in, and slowly her eyes are fully shut as she smiles herself to sleep. _Lord Sesshoumaru, what you have missed in your lifetime._ Rin murmurs in her sleep.

"What is that Rin?" Sesshoumaru asks as he thought he heard her speak something but her voice was so low and almost inaudible. No reply from the young girl.

"Rin what are you tr..." Sesshoumaru's eye widen as he looks down and checks on Rin, he does not complete his sentences seeing her motionless with her eyes shut. _RIN! _Sesshoumaru's heart screams as no word is able to come out from his mouth. Trying to stay focused and not to stir Rin too hard, Sesshoumaru reaches out with his right hand and gently pats on Rin's left shoulder several times.

"Rin can you hear me?" Sesshoumaru inquires crisply, like he is giving someone important orders.

"hmmm... " Rin rubbing her eyes, she replies weakly, "Oh no my Lord I fell asleep, I feel so... tired." She pushes a fist to her mouth as it stretched in a yawn. Moving her face away to look up, she catches her lord's expression; his golden eyes are open wide, with his mouth parting slightly. Sesshomaru grips Rin tighter in response, Rin snuggles closer. _She is just... sleeping I thought she... _ Sesshoumaru whispers as he lets out a small sigh not knowing why he reacted in such way, but all he knows is that Rin is awake.

"Rin did you still remember the question that you used to ask me?" Sesshoumaru asks as he observes the girl rolling her eyes a bit and has a deep thought.

"Ah yes I recall that now." Rin exclaims as she sticks her tongue out at her lord. "I wonder how much I have annoyed you with my repeated ridiculous question." Rin's voice fades and her smile drops as she thinks of the saddening fact. Sesshoumaru's golden gaze fell. _That expression again, what could have made Rin this upset with the question? _

"No it was not ridiculous but why are you so interested in that question?" Sesshoumaru asks coolly.

"Humans have a short lifespan and we tend to have a limited time to complete our desires and wishes. When humans meet their death they tend to think of things that they have missed in their life time, and so I was always curious to know what a demon like Lord Sesshoumaru could have missed in his life time who has been in this world for more than 400 years." Rin remarks in a rather uncertain tone. Sesshoumaru frowns being confused, somehow he feels Rin did not tell the truth. The demon lord sighs uncharacteristically.

"But I am not going to ask it anymore." Rin grins sadly. Sesshoumaru looks at Rin with slightly confused.

"Why?"

"Because I already know the answer and so there is no point in keeping on asking it." Rin states. Sesshomaru raises an eyebrow stunned with what he has just heard.

"Oh very interesting, I am very curious to know what kind of answer you have got with you." Sesshoumaru is trying to challenge the girl before him. Rin does not look up instead she has her eyes shut, smiling in grief.

"If I ask it now, you are going to tell me that you have failed to sense the presence of the panther demons in the forest which caused all this to happen. You regret to have put me under the care of master Jaken, and you have missed an opportunity to wipe off the panther clan earlier, am I right Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin smiles sadly upon completing her sentences. Sesshoumaru's jaw drops. _Amazing! When did she start to read my mind? _

"It seems that you have secretly developed an ability to read my mind which is an amazing skill that I did not notice you had one." Sesshoumaru shows no emotion in his reply but deep inside his heart, he is amused with Rin's capability. No one has ever read this taiyoukai's mind, not even his mother. But Rin does not feel impressed with it.

"If only I could read your mind my lord, I would have cleared all of my doubts easily, unfortunately as much as I wish to have such ability, I never mastered one." Rin's voice is still in sadness and it gets the demon Lord confused.

"You did it while ago and you have proven your skill." Sesshoumaru coolly replies.

"That has nothing to do with mind reading, Lord Sesshoumaru the powerful dog demon from the westerns lands was to achieve supreme power and ultimate conquest, despite you having surpassed your father, the path that you walk is still involved in chasing an unknown power. Before you left me under the care of Kaede, it was when you have just defeated Naraku, I thought Lord Sesshoumaru was the most powerful demon that I have ever encountered. With the power of Bakusaiga you are incomparable. When I asked what you have missed in your life time, you told me you have wasted enough time in chasing Tensaiga that cost you time to realize your own hidden power. You mentioned about how if you could have known about it earlier that Naraku wouldn't be live for this long. I was confused at that time, maybe I was not expecting the answer but I did not bother to ask further because I am still a kid. After returning to Lord Sesshoumaru, I attempted to ask the same thing and each time I got the same replies, so I have come to the conclusion that no matter how many times I ask, the only thing that my Lord will miss in his life will all be involving power and conquest." Rin's voice is barely audible. The lump in her throat prevents her from making further speech.

_As I look back on all that's happened.._

_Growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me_

_- There were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together._

_As I look back on those days,_

_I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you._

_The past may be gone forever. And whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow._

_It is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold._

_Lord Sesshoumaru ... I love you... so much..._

Tears are brimming in her eyes as she is still unable to tell what she has in her heart. But perhaps she has decided to let these words forever stay locked in her heart. Sometimes Rin wonders if there were words locked inside Sesshoumaru too... but she'll never know.

A startled Sesshoumaru has his heart aching once again looking at the girl break down. _Why did I feel in such a way? Did she know the power her words she held? What message is she trying to deliver? _It was moments like this that reminded the demon lord painfully that Rin did not have an eternity, his mind instantly flashing back to a while ago, when Rin lay paralyzed in front of him. There were no amount of talks could bring her back to conscious. Suddenly Sesshoumaru has this thought cross his mind, if Rin never wakes up in the morning, what is he going to do? Does she have something she missed the most and yet to fulfill it?

"Rin what have you missed in your lifetime?" Sesshoumaru finally breaks the silence between them as he decides he needs to do something for her. Rin's head snaps up instantly upon the question being asked, her jaw clenches, her hand tightening on his wrist as tears stream down uncontrollably. The question that she thought would never even be asked by her Lord is now echoing in her ears. She is trying to speak but no words come out right. She just cries her heart out leaving a startled demon Lord watching awaiting her answer.

"It is ok Rin, tell me what you have in your mind, I Sesshoumaru swear in the name of my father that I will help you to fulfill your wishes no matter how tough they maybe." Sesshoumaru looks upon his companion as she struggles to keep her composure; he uses his claw fingers to shed away her tears. Rin manages to calm herself down, clearing the lump in her throat. She swallows hard as she wipes off the remaining tears on her face with her hands. She looks into his beautiful golden eyes. A painful bitter sweet smile forms on her face as she answers her Lord's question.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, I - ... I have not missed you in my entire life." A bitter sweet smile changes into a delightful smile. Rin throws her arms around Sesshoumaru's neck, her sudden movement causes the wound on her chest to slightly pain but she does not care, she then kisses the startled taiyoukai on his left cheek and later settles her head on top of his left shoulder.

Sesshoumaru is stunned by Rin's answer, he is speechless, her answer is short and yet it is potent with a very important message. While he always kept himself busy with his duty in his land, he thought he had provided her a perfect environment for living. A safe place to live, a place where she doesn't have to worry being hungry. Place with a comfortable bed for her to rest. _I was wrong. I completely neglected her feelings; I did not seem to pay much attention to her presence, I did not seem to care why she is sad, why she is crying, and she is worrying. I just merely kept her with me and abandoned her. My mistake, it was completely my fault. I have missed her love and affection for this long. _Sesshoumaru has these thoughts rushing in his mind as he feels his eyes moisten.

"Master Jaken once told me, by the time Lord Sesshoumaru creates his own empire I will be long gone, I may not have an eternity but I want to live my life to the fullest. My Lord can you promise me one thing?" Rin turns and looks at Sesshoumaru with pleading eyes.

"What is it?"

"I wish to die in your arms and once I have drawn my last breath I wish my Lord you could transform into your true form to devour my flesh and my soul into you, and so we will never be apart, I want to live with you forever." Rin lightly shifts her hands and presses on her paining chest. Sesshoumaru is silent for a moment, he does not know how to respond. She might not have an eternity but he does not wish to speak about death so soon. _Even if she has come to the end of the road, I still can't let her go, because I saved her life and she belongs to me. One of the hardest things in my life is watching the person you love leaving you. _He felt it when Rin ceased her life in the underworld and he certainly did not wish to witness the same anymore._ Wait a second, did I just say love?_ Puzzled with his thoughts Sesshoumaru is reluctant to accept Rin's idea.

"I can never do that to you Rin." Sesshoumaru brushes Rin's cheek with his finger as he looks wearily at his companion. It hurts Rin so much to think that her Lord just refuses her wish, it makes her feel ashamed to even suggest it. After all on what privilege does she have the right ask the taiyoukai to do such a thing?

"I am sorry, how can I suggest such a silly idea when I know Lord Sesshoumaru has despised humans his entire life, please forgive me." Rin speaks in pain and she shuns away from him purposefully. She knows that she needs to hide her face as she can no longer control her emotions. She turns having her back facing her lord. The demon lord saw the girl in pain. He saw her tears, the tears of disappointment that would perhaps only be allowed to flow within her heart.

"Rin I did not mean li..." Rin raises her hand as a motion for her lord to stop.

"No it is fine, am alright. I mean yes I am just well a bit tired, a sleep will be perfect now." Rin desperately tries to rub her tears away. She feels him holding her tightly on her shoulders, his expressions are stern. "No you can't sleep." Sesshumaru declares. Rin eyes him questioningly.

"I mean you have just woken up, you need to at least take some food to regain your energy. Right now you are too weak; resting more won't help you to retrieve your drained energy. _And you might not be waking up later_." Sesshoumaru does not tell the last sentence, he just doesn't feel at ease to reveal it.

"My Lord please, I need to sleep, my eye lids and my head feel so heavy I could faint anytime, please my Lord please I promise to take plenty of foods when I awake." Rin keeps pleading Sesshoumaru though she does not know why her lord refuses to let her rest but her body does not seem to be co-operating with her and she needs a rest. Sesshoumaru nods reluctantly he cannot be selfish for not letting Rin taking her rest although he fears not being able to wake her up later. He helps Rin to lay down and have the silk quilt cover her body upto her shoulder, sitting at the side of the mattress. Sesshoumaru rests his left hand on top of Rin's temple and lightly brushes it. Rin feels comfortable with the touch as she has her eyes shut with a slight smile across her face.

"My lord, I will wake up, I promise you that." Sesshoumaru remains silent, surprised by her words, he thinks that it is either that his reactions are too obvious to express his concerns or Rin simply reads his mind again but he ignores the thought. Sesshoumaru responds with something he has never given to Rin, a genuine beautiful smile. Rin smiles back delightfully as she has never seen her lord smile before. She is glad she is able to see one now.

"I thought many said Lord Sesshoumaru will never smile?" Rin states with a hint of tease in her tone.

"Only for you and with a condition..." he pauses and looks into her warm hazelnut eyes. "Do not stay forever in your dream." In response Rin affords a bitter sweet smile for her lord.

"My lord you will be here to wake me up right? With the whisper and ... the kiss?" Rin's face flushes in a shade of red as her smile inches towards a grin. Sesshoumaru raises his eye brows as he stares at her with a confused expression.

"So you do hear my voice and feel my touch? Do not be naughty Rin, you need to show some response for you will worry me when there are no signs of movement from you." Sesshoumaru lightly pinches her nose in playful way.

"I hear you for it were not into my ear that you have whispered, but into my heart. I feel you for it were not my lips you kissed, but my soul." Rin states as her right hand is placed on top of Sesshoumaru hands. "My lord can you do me a small favor?"

"Yes anything for you Rin."

"I had secretly sneaked into your private garden inside your bed chamber and planted some flowers, those flowers are very important to me and I do not wish it to wither, can you permit Karin to water the plant on my behalf? I am apologizing to have asked such a favor as I know you have forbidden anyone to enter your bed chamber." Sesshoumaru notices that Rin's voice has started to fade away, soon sleep will takeover.

"I will do that for you but only for the time being as you have to do it yourself when you awake, promise?"

"Promise, thank you m...y... lo-rd...I..._love you_" She does not complete her sentence as she has drifted into sleep. Sesshoumaru moves her hands back into the silken quilt and gently kisses her forehead. Before the demon lord turns to leave he stares at Rin attentively. _Keep your words Rin, don't make me wait too long, we have plenty to talk about. _Sesshoumaru whispers as he turns and leaves the room. On his way back to his bed chamber, the demon lord orders the physician to check on Rin's breathing from time to time and instructs the little toad to send him a pitcher.

When the physician returns to Rin's bed chamber, the girl is already in deep sleep. Moving to the side of her bed, the physician hears the girl murmur something in her dream as she inches her ears to get a clear hearing, she finally caught the words clearly. _Father... mother ... brothers I miss you all so dearly...wait for me Rin is coming..._

Sesshouamru heads to his private garden. Upon reaching his bed chamber; he is so eager to check on the flowers that Rin has secretly planted, he wishes that it has not withered yet. Observing around the entire garden, the demon lord spots the 5-lobed blue flowers with yellow centers planted nearby a small pond. Closing the distance to the flower, he tries to figure out the species of the flower, although he has known quite a lot of species of flower, this one turns out to be quite new to him. Sesshomaru then drops to one knee and takes a closer look of the flower, a moment later the green toad approaches him with pitcher in his hand.

"Mi-lord is there anything else you want me to do?" Jaken asks with concern knowing his lord is not in a good mood.

"Be gone." Sesshoumaru growls. The little toad runs as fast as he can. He is losing his balance and falls on the floor a couple of times. As he rises up and is about to continue on, Sesshoumaru calls the green kappa. "Jaken."

"Yes-s mi-lord?" the little kappa answers right away.

"Have you heard from Rin about this species of flower?" Sesshoumaru questions reluctantly knowing he has not been paying much attention on things around Rin's life.

"Yes mi-lord, the seeds of this flower were given by Lady Miaka, the daughter of the eastern lands when we were there for their annual archery event a few years ago. Lady Miaka said the name of the flower is _ne m'oubliez pas_ meaning Forgets me not." The little green kappa proudly explains it.

Sesshoumaru freezes instantly, the pitcher drops from his hand onto the ground as water splashes everywhere. It catches the green kappa by surprise with his lord's expression but fearing for his life he asks nothing and quickly picks the pitcher up and disappears behind his lord. .

_If I die one day, will you always remember me? _... _Those flowers are very important to me and I do not wish it to wither... _

Rin's voices are echoing in Sesshoumaru's ears. Staring at those flowers with his wide open eyes, the taiyoukai is lost in his thoughts. While the demon lord pays less attention to his young companion, Rin has kept herself busy as she tried hard to deliver her heart's message through the surroundings by hoping her lord would have noticed it, but the western lord has failed the girl's efforts. As a light breeze blows a few strings of his silver hair floats into the direction of the wind. Sesshouamru gently touches the flowers with his claw fingers, a few tear drops fall on top of a flower lobe as Rin's faces play in his mind.

The girl who has suddenly meant so much to him has made this taiyoukai break down in tears twice today. With his heart throbbing, Sesshoumaru shut his eyes and clenches his left fist tightly.

_Rin... she does not wish to be forgotten..._

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**Chapter end notes:**

I am terribly sorry for the long delay. My beta reader has run away with my chapters, he returns yesterday with on this story update, and he told me the Chapter 5 for "Lily of the Valley" is missing. I tried to get a copy from my HDD but it was gone! I may have deleted it for some reason, and since neither my beta reader nor I have the copy, which means I have to re write the chapter 5... OMG!

I have almost half finish with my chapter6 and so it is going to be damn difficult to re write chapter5 now... Oh god... But I will try my best to complete it in these 2 days...

Dear Taraah, I will mail you the original article once I have translated it ^^ Hope you doing well, since I have not been seeing you much here these days.

I wish to take this opportunity to send out my sincere appreciation to Carissa, Luvandia and Ronnee ... Thank you guys you all have make my bday even more wonderful with the amazing story, I don't know what else i can do for you all except I will continue on to review your story ^^

Enjoy the chapter update and as usual I always welcome any types of comments, be it good or bad, it will be part of my learning lesson ^^ I believe the reader holds the key of an author success. For those who have been reviewing my stories, thank you for your support, you guys are awesome. *hugs* and *kisses* for you.

**4th October - **Just some grammar and spelling update ^^

**P/s **- Found chapter 5 using "file recovery" software ( thanks to CSI agent **Ms. Taraah** ^_^ ) Will update "Lily of the Valley" as soon as i proof read it "


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